Victory Dance

Sometimes you just can't catch a break, and everything that can go wrong does go wrong. You miss the bus. Your umbrella turns inside out. The guy next to you at the urinal pees on your shoe.

Saturday was the exact opposite of that. I won Saturday so hard that I am now the subject of an NCAA investigation.

The Language Barrier

I know a modest amount of Italian. I can speak in the all the past and future tenses, I can form hypothetical phrases, and I possess an ever-increasing vocabulary of oddly specific Italian words.

Those metal blinds they pull down over storefronts at night to keep out looters? Saracinesche.
To put a cast on someone's arm? Ingessare.
The @ sign? Chiocciola.

This rudimentary knowledge gives me an undeserved sense of confidence, but ultimately leaves me comically inept when any of the following situations arises:

• Somebody asks me for directions
• I need to ask somebody for directions
• The ticket machine in the subway eats my monthly pass
• I order a coffee and the barista asks me a question other than "grande o piccolo?"

*Usage note: "Pochino" means "a small amount" of something. "Bocchino" means "blowjob." These two words sound dangerously similar, especially when pronounced by a foreigner. Consider yourself warned.

What the Hell Is a Pence?

Answer: It's the British plural for penny.
Ex: "Five British pence is worth approximately four hundred U.S. dollars."

This is an appropriate segue to the following subject: going to London is almost exactly as expensive as a Ferrari made of unicorns.

The cost of living is higher in London than all of the following places*:

• Mozambique
• The Vatican
• Space Mountain
• The Trump Taj Mahal
• The real Taj Mahal
• The International Space Station

The Laundry Chronicles

This is Matt. He's my roommate in Torino.

Some would even say he's Christlike.

These are Matt's clothes. He left them out on the line overnight because there are no clothes dryers in Italy.

Needs more corduroy.

 These are the current weather conditions.

"Pioggia leggera" is Italian for "Matt's clothes smell like rain water."

It sucks to be Matt.

Judgment Day